Things are a little bit different in our house today. All routines are out the window and we’re just doing what we have to to get by. My partners grandmother has been unwell for some time now, and yesterday she ended her struggle. The last year has been incredibly taxing on her, she has had little quality of life, in and out of hospital, the main priority has been to preserve her dignity and make her as comfortable as we could. Now she is at peace and pain free.
Although it’s not as easy as that when someone passes. It’s like the whole world comes to a stop, the atmosphere changes and the world feels empty, and as if something’s missing, it seems like the meaning of life has been stripped momentarily. I have been through death with my own family several times, but it never gets easier and no one can take that feeling of loss away from you. That’s the hardest part, you can support those around you merely by physical means, a cuddle, someone to talk to or just to be there, but you can’t take any of their pain away.
In the depths of these emotions we do what we can. We support the family as we can, and we do what we have to in our own lives. His family is taking his grandfather out as a distraction for the day, while here I’m catching up on all the house work I’ve missed while we’ve been taking every opportunity to go and visit. My partner is finding distractions around the house, but takes the opportunity of my presence to talk about how he feels and his memories, whatever’s on his mind.
We recently had “how are you” day, which was an awareness day aimed at men dealing with depression, it was designed to encourage people to ask anyone they knew “how are you?” We so easily get caught up in our own issues and problems, or just in the day to day routines that we forget to stop and take the time out to talk to people. To ask them how they are, or to be there for someone who’s having a hard time and check in on them even after they’ve shared their experiences, confided and had assistance with their struggles. People don’t always repair quickly, and we all manage in different ways.
So our house is much the same as it is any other “weekend” (as this is my weekend – yes actually on the weekend). I’m catching up after having slept until lunch time, and my partner is winding down with his own things. But as we always do, we come back together for dinner, and we’re both here for the other, not too far away, and we’ll end the night in front of the tv.
I know the rest of the world doesn’t stand still for us, or for anyone sharing similar circumstances, but it’s nice to stay home cut off from the hustle and bustle of the world, and take things at our own pace.
I have to get back to the real world tomorrow, back to the fast pace that is my job, but ultimately this week will have a different feel for everyone touched by her. She had a beautiful personality, so giving, caring, loving and family oriented. All she wanted was family around her, she had lots of visitors in hospital and family popping in regularly, and we spent a few hours there yesterday with her. She would’ve loved having her family back in her house last night, and all those that will get together for her this week to remember her, and celebrate her life and her legacy.