Tomorrow will be my 5th day off work in a row. Maybe I needed it but I feel disappointed I spent most of it sleeping, three of those days I spend mostly sleeping, although I feel a little accomplishment since I got on top of the housework and I even re-arranged the lounge room. It feels like we have more space now, and the “lounge room” part (because our house is open plan – sharing the same space for dining as well) feels cosy. Probably mostly because it’s smaller (which I don’t mind), but for some reason it definitely feels cosier. I love change what can I say?
So the rest of my time off has been spent with family and I even managed to fit a friend in too which is rare for me.
We’re finally ready for the funeral tomorrow. Well almost… The arrangements are all take care of, my partner and I have organised what we’re wearing etc, but he’s still doing finishing touches on his speech (I guess you could call it that). Speech seems like the wrong word, but he will be speaking so I suppose it’s relevant.
It’s hard to prepare for a funeral, even though we’ve had a little over a week to be ready. It’s the final goodbye, and I guess to some degree leading up to the day it almost feels like she’s not truly gone yet, almost as if by saying a formal goodbye we’re finally letting her go… Setting her free, to finally be at peace. That can be the hardest part, the last part we have control over, and yet the part we lose most emotional control over.
We’re heading out early tomorrow to spend some time with family, and get ready with everyone, plus we can see if there’s any last minute things they need us to do. It’s hard to know or predict how we’ll feel tomorrow, losing someone with so much personality, love and hope. She meant so much to so many people, and will be greatly missed, which is what makes it all so hard.
I’m sure the atmosphere tomorrow will be a great send off to her, it will be everything she always tried so hard to achieve… Everyone in the same place at the same time. And, the beautiful words and memories everyone will share, I must admit funerals are the perfect send off for those who mean the most. It creates an opportunity for all those people who are usually too proud to say or express their true feelings, it strips away the ego, or fear of real expression. It’s just a shame this all comes too late (depending on your beliefs), I believe this is a perfect time to reflect on our own lives and appreciate what we have, not in a materialistic way, but just to appreciate how precious life really is.
Funerals are by no definition an event to look forward to, they aren’t fun, or exciting. However, they can be perfect! Not by definition of the guest list or decoratively speaking, but simply by the beautiful tokens of honesty, respect, gratitude and spirit. None of which can be bought, only brought. They must be shared to be present, only by their guidance have these values been earned and taught amongst us. An unspoken rule, carried on unfaltered. That is how our loved ones are remembered, by what they have given and instilled in us, that we value. That is how we hold so much value in them.
Tomorrow will be whatever it is meant to be. But one thing it will be, is special and a great celebration of a beautiful, strong and wonderful woman, who fought against all odds and lit up the world around her. It will be our greatest act of appreciation in her honour!