I get down and depressed just like anyone else. I have ups and downs, some days I’m really proud of my accomplishments, and other days I can’t see past my faults and my flaws. Lets face it, in reality we all have faults, we have things we know we aren’t proud of, that we would like to change, but at the same time things that are who we are at that moment in time.
At the moment I’m having a “poor me” time. Nothing really major when you look at the big picture, I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, clothes in my cupboard and a job. But, this week I’ve been unwell. I don’t get sick too often but when I do it’s not usually on a small scale, like a simple common cold. I have some kind of throat or upper respiratory tract infection, that’s left my head really foggy and I’ve been totally exhausted slept for 2 days. This is the longest I’ve been able to really just be awake, in the last three days. Yesterday I managed to drag myself out and go shopping, well window shopping, which can also be depressing.
So lots of things are getting to me lately. I was doing really well with my diet until night duty came along, I’ve not put on any weight, in fact if anything I’ve lost a little and not in a good way. I tried to go to the gym the night before this infection really hit me and I really struggled, my heart rate was up higher than I usually can get it when I really try, and my performance was much lower. I guess I could also say that I don’t really know what I want at the moment and so many things in my life are not going according to plan. Not that I really have a definitive plan, but I feel like I’m just coasting at the moment.
I talk about goals all the time because I’m the kind of person who really needs them and responds well to having a plan. When things are going poorly, or I’m in a pickle I make plans partly because I’ll need to know what my next move is going to be, but also because I always need something to work towards. For this reason I think retirement will cause me some issues, with so much time on my hands what will I do with it all? Not that I’m anywhere near that milestone just yet, but I’ve just been thinking. Maybe a little too much.
Thankfully I have a holiday to look forward to coming up. I’m currently saving for that, it will be the first one for me in 8 years, so I’m probably in a good need for one. It will be nice to get away and let my hair down for a little while.
So today I have decided to take it as it comes. I’m not going anywhere, just resting my sore head, and taking some time out. All my plans to do a bit clean up around the house are on hold for now. Sometimes we just have to stop and take care of ourselves for a change, take some down time and not worry about everything else. The world can survive with out us for 24hrs.