So we make too many commitments these days. We make plans to catch up with people we know we may not get a chance to fulfil, and some of them we might not even want to go through with. We make plans for our futures, new years resolutions, and even just a to-do list. But, where do they all end up? We make all of these promises to ourselves and set ourselves up to fail sometimes. So I guess I’m wondering are we overly committed?
Yes, I am continuing to read my book, taking it ever so slowly, and as I try to take it all on board but if nothing else it’s really making me stop, think and reflect on myself. I have to admit there’s a lot of things in there that I can really benefit from implementing some of it. I’m not a fancy person, I’m just pretty basic really. Sometimes I don’t know what to do, what I want or where I should be.
So today’s read was about knowing how much to give, and learning how to say no. I know this is one of my biggest problems, knowing when to say no. I like to see the signs of enjoyment in someone else’s face, I like the feeling of doing something for someone else, and I truly have issues with accepting effort from others, in fact I often feel bad when I have to ask for help. Most of the time I only ask for help from my family, I have a really close immediate family and we know we can rely on each other, the only time I can ever extend this is with a significant other. Outside of that I just try to make do. Sometimes when I don’t even want to catch up with someone, or for whatever reason I can’t afford to catch up with someone I will do what I can to make it, but I often find people don’t extend the same gestures to me. In fact sometimes I find myself alone when I need someone to reach out to, during those moments I have my family.
All that aside, I guess the point I’m making is that we make all these plans, seemingly selfish ones, but sometimes it’s something we need to do. We spend so much time giving sometimes that we forget to stop and think about what we want, about what we need. I read today’s portion of the book today, had a think about what I’ve been doing lately and how accommodating I’ve been… So today I stayed home. For the first time since I moved here (around 3-4 weeks ago), I decided to make do with whatever I had in the house, I didn’t do any housework (well not really) and I just did whatever I wanted to do for a change. I ate only what I wanted to, I watched a lot of tv, did some reading, yoga, talked to my family and relaxed this evening on the couch with some crocheting, cups of tea and my favourite tv show.
I’m not going out of my way for anyone tomorrow, but I am thinking that since I’m now a “single” person and I’m getting my independence back it’s time to go out and have a coffee… Just me. I’m not going to ask anyone to come with me, and I’m just going to be comfortable in my own skin, for the first time in 12 years, I’m going to do what I want to do.
What I read today though is not about just saying no because you can, it’s about knowing when to say no, having the perfect timing. Don’t get me wrong I will always be there for my family and friends, and in their time of need I would never dream of saying “no”, even today I would have dropped everything and run if any of them needed me. But, this is about knowing when we need to say no. Today I needed to have my day for me, and tomorrow I am taking for myself also, not to sit at home but to go out into the world and prove to myself I can stand on my own two feet. I guess to some degree I already know I can, I was always told in my previous relationship that I was too independent but it’s easy to be independent with someone else around to emotionally hold you up.
So yes, I am going to learn to say no. Figuring out what we need is just the beginning!