Sometimes it’s nice just to sit back and remember what it’s like to be…
We are all so busy with our lives, do we really know what it is that we’re after, what our meaning of life is? I don’t know that I have ever known what mine is, and I doubt most of the people I know know what they want either, or if there’s meaning in their lives. Sure we have family and friends, and we need that, but I actually think we need something for ourselves too.
Take me for instance (I know, I know it’s always about me – but I’ve been doing some observing lately and some self-searching), I love my time at home, my time alone. I love my job and I love my friends and family. Yes, I need my job, as much as I love my holidays I still need to feel needed I guess, and I like contributing and I meet a lot of wonderful people along the way. I need my family and friends because they are supportive and I am supportive for them, but I think we all need something to strive for. This could come in different ways. Some people like to earn, either money or a degree, or just simply make something. We need a goal that’s got a long term tag, then there are people who are very family oriented who have little goals in life and are happy just providing for them, watching them grow up and just enjoy that smaller unit.
My problem is at 29 I still don’t know where I fit in. I always wanted to have a family, I have had 2 failed relationships, both of which I walked away from. But, I don’t see a family fulfilling all my needs, I still like my time out, and I need to have something to strive for. I’m currently looking at heading back to study, not to get a “better job”, but to increase my skills, and ultimately I guess I will want to have an area of speciality… I just don’t know what that will be just yet. I work in a very exhausting area where we look after all sorts of patients, which i guess means we have an array of skills, but I would prefer to have the skills to thoroughly care for particular patients rather than doing an ok job with everyone… I also like sharing my skills with people, and that’s something that will take time, and something I really need to earn.
I guess while none of us know what the meaning of life is, I know I have a bucket list of things I would like to earn in my lifetime, things that I can’t buy, but things I have to invest time and effort in to. I think we all need to feel like we’ve made an impact on the world, or else why would we be here and why would we put in the effort? But, how many people are there out there who don’t care about that? Who would do something just because “that’s what we do”?
For us to just be, we need to know who we are, or else how do we know “what we do”? We’re all individuals, we all have our own enjoyments, some of which are the same or similar to someone else. I guess I’m having trouble sitting still at the moment because all of a sudden I feel like I have infinite options and I just don’t know where to start, there’s so much I want to do but I don’t know what to do first… I enjoy my days at home, I would like to do some sewing, to finish my crochet blanket, watch tv (some dvds I bought), read (I have many books I’ve bought that I haven’t read), but I would also like to go outside and enjoy the nice weather we’ve had here recently. I feel like I’m restless, and I want to enjoy things more, but I’m unable to sit still for fear that I will miss out on something.