I have had the same issue my whole life. I don’t know how to entertain myself!
Uni is on holidays for me at the moment, so I’ve been filling my free time with gym and yoga, trying not to waste my time sitting on the couch doing nothing. So why do I have so much trouble doing the things I normally say I want to do? Is it a case of you only want something because you can’t have it? The strange thing is on my days off I don’t like to have commitments, I want to be in control of what I’m doing, but when I wake up in the morning I don’t know what to do with myself, but I don’t feel like doing any of the things I was looking forward to doing. I know this is a symptom of depression, but it’s not that I don’t want to do those things, I just don’t want to do them then.
It’s not like I don’t have hobbies, I like to sew, crochet, I have a keyboard, I like to write and I enjoy exercise. However, lately exercise wins. The house being freezing might be a big contributor at the moment, I would have to rug up to sit in the room and sew or use my keyboard. But, I think I might be a bit restless too. I have so much going on in my mind at the moment. I have a wedding which I keep mentioning, but it is getting closer and there is still so much to do for it. I feel that everything hasn’t been very organised, I’m a list person and I keep thinking of all the things I need to do so I don’t forget about them. I have online training that needs to be done for work, for two different jobs. I have things around the house I’ve been meaning to fix that I just haven’t been able to get around to doing. We finally caught up on washing, and I have friends I would really love to catch up with. How do I keep up with all of this when I only get 2 days off a week, and amongst that I usually have to prepare food for the week, and fit in study too? Lucky I don’t have children.
How do you balance it all?
For sometime now it has come to my attention that I also dream all the time when I’m asleep, I have stressful and distressing dreams, I thrash in my sleep, grind and clench my teeth, talk and toss and turn a lot. I wake up the next day no matter how much sleep I’ve had, and I’m still tired. I know there’s a fine line between adequate and over sleeping, but I almost never wake up feeling rested. I imagine that’s not a normal thing, and something I would expect to come from someone with sleep apnea. I don’t snore, but I get the impression I’m just not shutting off.
Since I’m a nurse I don’t have the luxury of a routine. However, although people say that they usually do have some kind of a routine. I do a block of afternoons, and a block of mornings, so what we actually do is bounce between two different routines. What I need to do is be really organised, plan meals, laundry cycles, cleaning and exercise. I was really good at it, but then I threw study into the mix and when something is due urgently and I’m running out of time the house is the first to suffer.
I’ve decided it’s time to go back to the diary and planning. I get criticised for having control issues, but I feel like I need to in order to manage this kind of a lifestyle, and not fall behind. So this week it’s time to get the diary out, time to get the lists out and time to get organised again. Make time for work, study, exercise (which services my mental health), and hobby time, of which I need apparently.
I do this by looking at my diary, putting in all the engagements, my roster and my partners roster. I schedule pay day, plan meals for the fortnight according to who is home and how many re-heatable meals are require to take to work for each of us. This guides the shopping. I schedule shopping for usually a day when I work in the afternoon so I don’t burden my day off with tasks I could do at other times, I plan to cook all in meals at 2-3 intervals during the week, either in the morning before work or when I’m on a morning shift and I’m home to cook dinner. If you don’t want to cook dinner every night, or you know you’re not motivated and would rather get take out, plan ahead and have leftovers, this is why we rarely ever have take out. We usually do laundry every second day to keep on top of it, sometimes I will wash and hang it out and get my partner to bring it in later. I allow one whole day off for me, no uni, no errands, shopping or excessive cooking. A day I can use to catch up with friends, or just do something I’ve been looking forward to. I also try to schedule exercise three times a week, incorporating cardio and yoga, yoga especially helps my stop and slow down.
Mon – Left over tuna pasta bake
Tues – Spaghetti bolognese
Wed – Roast chicken and veggies
Thurs – Leftovers
Fri – Leftovers
Sat – Homemade pizza
Sun – Lentil hot pot
I have plans of getting back into making soup, but I’m on afternoon shifts this week so I’m keeping it simple.
Mon – Home yoga
Tues – Aerial yoga (maybe gym in the morning as well)
Wed – Gym or hot yoga
Thurs – Rest
Friday – Hot yoga
Saturday – Rest
Sunday – Yoga or gym
I like to plan for too many, that way if I get to at least 3 I know I’ve done an ok effort, plus depending on what comes up I might re-shuffle and compliance is better when you keep track of when you go.
Anyway, that’s how I like to keep things balanced. Now to stick to the program. I have housewife duties tomorrow and aerial yoga in the evening, can’t believe my 8 weeks of aerial yoga are almost up already…
Now I’m off to bed to try and wind down and listen to my meditation app, one of the things I’m trying to relax me before bed.