The people I know all have different ideas of who I am. Apparently I come across and being calm, collected and easy going with some, while they know I stress about things only the people who truly know me the best know what I’m really like. Stress on a stick!
I don’t know where it all came from. I used to be so patient, so calm and just easy going. However at home I feel like I’m just trying to control everything, maybe since I feel like I don’t have any. I suffer from headaches, like everyone else we have financial commitments to worry about, I have a stressful job and I have trouble leaving work at work, not to mention last year I decided to take up uni as well. As I’ve mentioned previously that I’m studying. I did stress myself out somewhat this year, trying to get everything ready around our wedding, working full time and arranging wedding things, not to mention sustaining the house. I know a lot of people do this daily and it’s “normal” for them, but I struggle with my work routine and meal preparation and planning. I work 6 afternoon shifts a fortnight meaning I have to have dinner planned, and I like to balance my week with some yoga or catching up with friends, so I prefer not to spend all morning cooking dinner everyday.
It has come to my attention I do worry about the wrong things, I have my husband to call upon, and he does meet me halfway, and often goes over and beyond that. But we are both noticing even after the wedding my stress levels aren’t improving. I was much more laid back when we were on our honeymoon as you would expect. However, since we came home everything has resumed to pre-honeymoon.
I made an effort to get myself into some kind of order when we got home. I used my last week of annual leave to get the house organised and started off my first week back at work with a meal plan, and all our meals prepared as much as I could, I cleaned up the house, over-hauled the spare bedroom and turned it into a space we found ourselves loving to be in. It even gave us the opportunity to spend some time together, we played board games together in there, we opened up my sewing space, space to play my keyboard and set up his computer while creating some space and we finally got a new bookcase to sort out our books that were all over the house (something I still need to sort out). I decided to work on my mental health as well, I’ve gone back to my pole dancing class, which is still relatively new but I get a sense of achievement when I get a new move. I have also gone back to yoga, not as often as I’d like, I’ve been doing some at home as well, but I need to create a better routine, something more regular.
I guess the main issue at the moment is my sleep, I have so much tension that I’m tensing up my head in my sleep, I have a lot of “stressful” circumstances in my dreams, lots of teeth clenching and waking up with headaches. I was tolerating them, but this week has been like one great big headache, and to be fair I have been sick with a respiratory infection, but yesterday I was finally headache free, I went to bed and woke up with my headache larger than life again. This time however I refused to take pain killers, at least initially until I figured out if I could manage without them (I refuse to let headaches – I’ve been getting since I was 18 – to get in the way of my life), however once I got out of bed and sat on the couch with a book it finally went away completely.
So here I am, after midnight, I’ve come home from work wondering what I will wake up like in the morning. The doctor has given me some muscle relaxants incase I get to the point I was out where I was just as exhausted when I woke up, as a trial to see if that helps, but I haven’t taken any because I don’t think that’s the answer. So I’m looking at more natural options. Mostly yoga and meditation on the radar at this stage, a bit of experimentation while I do some research and see what else there is.
While yoga is definitely something that is important to me, it makes me relax and it clears my head, but I think we need to take a step to the side. We need to take a few steps back regularly, notice the world outside of our own routine. I went for a bike ride yesterday, it was great to have nothing to do but think or just take in the scenery which was lovely around the harbour. Last week I went with hubby while he went fishing, I took the picnic blanket and my kindle and just laid on the rug while I read a book. There’s something to be said for getting outside in the sunshine, feeling the warmth and just being mindful and in the moment. I have come to realise if I read my book too slowly I get distracted, I start thinking about other things, but if I read faster I get involved in the book and I can just about block out the environment and forget about where I am.
There’s something in creating some space for yourself away from your worries, clear your head and mindfully be in the moment and enjoy everything it has to offer.