Since I started reading the happiness project I have found myself thinking about my own actions and thoughts a lot more. I guess in a kind of mindful way, just being more aware of what I have been doing and thinking. I have come to realise that I spend an awful amount of time looking out and casting judgement on others, and weighing their circumstances against my own, therefore comparing my own worth. I know that our opinions are cast upon others within moments of meeting them, and looking at them. We kind of look them up and down and instantly make an assessment. Making an assessment is one thing, but trying to measure up to everyone we come across is exhausting, and maybe it’s time to let this go.
My husband and I have been putting some plans into action to finally buy our own house, this was something that wasn’t going to come about until at least next July, but a new development to one of our circumstances means it might be possible around September this year. Not that this is an easy arrangement, it has meant a lot of planning, struggling and we still have a major issue to sort out before we can even think about progressing, like where to live while we build the house. However, I look around at others and see them seemingly looking comfortable, and I wonder how it was so easy for them to get their first house and now be talking about a second one, and even a baby, a second and third baby. Here I am wondering how will I manage this, and will we ever have kids when it will require me to take time off?
Since starting the happiness project I’m looking at how I feel, what brings me down and how I can lighten up. I have found a main source of my unhappiness is to do with failing… Trying to measure up to people in an unrealistic way, wondering why under unfortunate circumstances I haven’t come as far as they have, without looking at the things I have accomplished. What I have realised is that I need to start looking in not out. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is up to and start doing something for me. Be happy with my progress, be happy with who I am, and appreciate my own positives instead of always worrying about what I haven’t got.
I have decided instead of wishing time away I will make the most of the time we have here, in this house, living close to the city as once we buy we will be at least 20-30 mins drive from this area. I only drive 10 mins to work currently, we have enough room for what we have at the moment, we don’t exactly do without realistically, we have a roof over our heads, we have food on the table, and jobs. What we need is to start looking at experiences and feelings rather than material possessions to evaluate our worth and progress in life. I may not have my own house, a new car, or a big family but we have what we need, we have a great relationship with each other, with our families and with our friends. My plan now is to take some time out for me, to do something I enjoy, and be present in the moment.
Eventually we will save enough for our goals, but there’s no need to dwell on it along the way, sometimes when you’re an adult you have to learn how to wait and earn things. Not all adults have to wait, but some do. We all have different experiences, and some of us have had to start over and over again to get to where we are today. Even though we get sick of constantly waiting for what we aim to achieve, it doesn’t matter how old we are – we all need to practise patience.
Leave the future where it is and appreciate the present.