While my husband and I are weighing up what we want out of our future, I feel as though we are missing the present. I feel my life is made up of computer screens and work, while I try desperately to catch up on my household obligations.
We both have higher aspirations for work, while we work in the same field we want to be in different places, but he wants to go to more critical areas of nursing, whereas I like the education role a little more, but don’t want to lose working on the floor. Having said that, we also want to buy a house, my husband wants a boat we want to be able to travel, and can’t decide if we want children or if we’re getting too old, given all of our other aspirations. Which leads me to our newest conversation, to decide what we really want. Our bucket list!
My bucket list has always been so simple and family oriented. I was happy to get a house, have a family and go on the annual holiday even just a few hours drive from home. That’s all I need, I like to have a comfortable, cosy environment which is why I want a house of our own so we can create that environment, and family to enjoy the space with while being able to go on holidays to take a break and experience new things. My husband on the other hand just wants to go fishing and have overseas holidays, which is still rather conservative I thought, in comparison to what his bucket list could include.
So together we have to figure out what our bucket list has in store for us. There are some things you just can’t plan for, which is hard for me as for some reason I am alway trying to stay 3 steps ahead of where we’re at. I feel I have lost so much time, I had a late start to my career, I had a failed marriage and here I am feeling as though I should be further into what I thought my plans were. But life can’t be planned. However, I could never be the kind of person who just floats through life letting it happen to me, I believe you have to make something of it, you have to make it your own. Much the way we can all live in a house, but it’s the people, the atmosphere and the decor that you bring into it that makes you feel comfortable and enjoyable. You have to put your own spin on it! Unfortunately I guess I’m one of those YOLO people (you only live once), but not in the way that I want to do silly things, just that I don’t want to miss out on things I would like to do, and at the same time I am happy to work for them, but I realise at 32 years old I need to be actively working towards them now. I guess some might think it’s a mid-life crisis event, but I like to think that I’m being proactive, and aware of planning for our future. My husband just thinks I have control issues and what will be will be, and that I should worry more about the present, and take more time to enjoy my spare time.
Aside from the materialistic goals, there are other things I would like to do, a kind of personal bucket list of mine, that I think we should all have. Hopes and dreams and just things we would like to do for ourselves.
- I really enjoy writing, and I think it’s the reason I went back to uni, so I would like to publish something someday, which I do realise is so much easier these days with Amazon Kindle and e-readers being an easier approach. I don’t know that I have the skills for writing, my husband is always editing my uni assessments but claims I’m getting better.
- I would like to do more creative hobbies, like getting back into my patchwork, learning to play the piano properly rather than trying to teach myself, I also think if I had scheduled lessons I would practice more.
- I would like to get outside more, enjoy the sunshine, and just spend less time inside. Which is achievable I sometimes take my laptop out and get some study done in the sunshine, but it’s not as enjoyable as maybe taking a whole day off once a week to just be outdoors, especially when I work inside and spend most of my spare time inside
- I would like to be more creative in the kitchen. I don’t cook for fun anymore, just to create. Since I have so many gadgets in the kitchen I think it’s a shame I don’t use them to their capacity
- I want to be more accountable
I guess a lot of these things remain from my resolution/happiness project, but they are also things that I can’t do overnight. They are things I would enjoy, that I want to achieve, but they are also ongoing activities. I have so many creative projects for my patchwork, but I need to physically plan time to sit and work on them.
In addition to those things I would also like to share some experiences with my husband, we were thinking of taking a hot air balloon ride for our anniversary, and I would like to take a few small trips in our own country, to see things before we consider going overseas. I think too many people spend money travelling overseas that they miss on the beauty and nature in their own backyards. I’m not against going overseas, but I think we shouldn’t miss out on what we have at home as well.
My biggest problem is I guess I’m not really sure about what I want, but I know no matter what it is I will always yearn for something new. But, I think that’s what you have to do to maintain hope and goals. Maybe I have too much of a “what is the meaning of life” syndrome!